I too had the same issue when I am setting up Qlik Sense Server on a Domain Network with Local Service Account.
However, when I installed with Domain Account with Domain Level Administrative Rights as a service account, things worked fine. This means in my case it was definitely due to access issues.
One more thing I had done was while clicking on setup the very first thing happened was creation of C:\ProgramData\Qlik folder, and hence before entering service credentials, I gave full rights to domain service user.
Hope this helps to someone who is Installing in Domain Network Machine.
It doesn't necessarily need to be a domain service account. But when the server is in domain network, there are various domain level access policies are enforced and chances are most that these policies prevent some or the other access to local service account. Most probable solution here is to ensure that the service account (be it local or domain) has all the administrative rights. e.g. most basic is to check an access to C:Drive User.
You can also try installing by logging in to server with the service user account.